Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW Psychotherapy Blog

Powerful Video, Can't Explain It, Just Watch

2012-01-30T15:20:00.000-05:00

That's the name of the video. It's four-minutes that will bring you to tears as well as make you smile, a powerful lesson about judgements and making a difference.

If you watched it, I bet you want to share it, too.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy for Change

Antidote to Winter Doldrums

2012-01-23T08:37:00.000-05:00

This is a wonderful ten minute TEDx video. (TEDx videos are independently organized TED events. ) The video is by Louie Schwartzberg and is titled Nature. Beauty. Gratitude.

The video features the exquisite time lapse photograph that Schwartzberg has won awards for as well as interviews of a child and an elderly man who have truly got happiness figured out.

Weren't those faces wonderful?

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on the Upper West Side

How Your Brain Benefits from Aerobics

2012-01-16T08:08:00.000-05:00

Mayo Clinic neurologist J. Eric Ahlskog, MD, PhD, spoke last fall about a recently conducted review of the research on aerobic exercise and benefits to the brain. The researchers concluded that "you can make a very compelling argument for [aerobic] exercise as a disease-modifying strategy to prevent dementia and mild cognitive impairment, and for favorably modifying these processes once they have developed.

In the Medscape Medical News article about the research, Dr. Ahlskog was quoted:

...exercise sufficient to elevate the heart rate to about 60% of maximum, and done for about 150 minutes a week [divided], would be a good starting recommendation. This is similar to the American Heart Association recommendation.

Aerobic exercise generates new neurons in the brain. I ask all new psychotherapy clients about their exercise habits and, if they're open to it, educate them about the benefits. Exercise has been shown to be effective in reducing both depression and anxiety.

In this post we're talking about "just" benefits to the brain, but I'm sure most readers are also aware of the evidence for aerobic exercise benefit to the cardiovascular system. Brain benefits are yet another reason to start - or keep - moving your body fast enough to get up to that 60%. That doesn't have to mean jogging or bicycling, it might be brisk walking. And slow walking is a fine way to start, if that's where you are. Walking everywhere is one of the theories about why New Yorkers live longer than the rest of the country!

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
New York City Counseling

Mindfulness in Psychotherapy

2012-01-10T08:00:00.000-05:00

I find myself more and more often teaching mindfulness in my psychotherapy practice because I see how many ways it can help my clients. With a regular practice - even just five minutes a day - we can experience many benefits.

Here are just a few of the things you are likely to experience:

Having the space in the moment to respond to others rather than react (and regret)
Stress reduction
Increased self-care
Mindfulness training increases compassion and sense of connection to others
A more integrated brain (integration is health)

If you'd like to try a short experience, this beautiful video is a four and a half minute meditation from Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh's Art of Mindful Living.

One of my favorite parts is when TNH says that a smile is like a beautiful flower, a flower "that we can offer to anyone, anytime."

If you believe - as I did for many years - that you just can't sit still long enough to practice mindfulness, you may find this post on The Benefits of Mindfulness helpful. Included in the post is information on how neurofeedback can help you be more comfortable in your body, as well as suggestions for meditation that don't involve sitting still.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Upper West Side Counseling

Forbes Magazine on Why the Grinch Stole Christmas

2011-12-23T14:03:00.001-05:00

This article came my way and I couldn't resist putting up the link.

Forbes Magazine: Neuroscience Explains Why the Grinch Stole Christmas.

In the well known Dr. Seuss story, published in 1957, the Grinch has an epiphany regarding his loneliness - and returns Christmas to Whoville. Loneliness can be especially hard during holidays. If that's true for you, I hope the article gives you hope.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Upper West Side Counseling

The Power of Perspective

2011-12-19T08:35:00.000-05:00

If you are in need of a little perspective, this short video will provide it for you.

Did you find that just watching it helped you be a little more still inside? Being in nature can do that for us. This was a video - imagine being there!

To read more about the benefits of being outdoors, read these blog posts:
Getting Out into Green Spaces
Nature and Mood
Time in Nature Boosts Mood

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
New York City Psychotherapy

Therapy Dogs

2011-12-12T07:59:00.004-05:00

Although I don't work with therapy dogs, I love reading about them and thought you might also.

In this Los Angeles Times health article, Karin Ravn writes about a therapy dog who works at the Mayo Clinic. Labradors and Golden Retrievers are generally thought of as the breeds that make the best service dogs, but the article talks about "Dr. Jack, a 10-year-old miniature pinscher who sees about eight to 10 patients a day." Doesn't it make you smile, just reading that?

Miniature pinschers' average weight is about nine or ten pounds. Golden Retrievers and Labs are going to weight 60 or 70 pounds. That contrast might make you smile, too.

Here is a quote from the article describing some of the research showing the benefits of therapy dogs.

Research has shown that therapy dogs can have measurable health benefits in patients. In a 2007 study, 76 adults with advanced heart failure received either a 12-minute visit from a volunteer with a therapy dog, a 12-minute visit from a volunteer only or 12 minutes of their usual care.

Compared with the usual-care group, the canine group had significantly greater decreases in blood pressure during and after the visit. Compared with the volunteer-only group, they had significantly greater decreases in levels of stress hormones epinephrine and norepinephrine during and after the visit. And compared with either group, they had significantly greater drops in a measure of "total anxiety."

There is something very touching about this way the thousands of years of collaboration between our two species is being expressed. (According to Wikipedia, dogs were first domesticated about 15,000 years ago.)

My counseling practice and my home are both on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I usually walk to work, and it's always a treat to observe all the people and their dogs. It's clear many of them are benefiting whether or not the dog is an official therapy pro.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in New York City

Omega-3 and Anxiety

2011-12-05T08:17:00.001-05:00

In a randomized trial, the results of which were published this year, Ohio State University researchers found that omega-3 fatty acids reduced anxiety in the healthy young people studied.

The total number of participants in the study was 68. The control group received a placebo. The study was double-blind, which means that neither the student volunteers or the researchers knew which were getting omega-3 and which were getting the placebo.

The group receiving omega-3 had a 20% decrease in the amount of anxiety they experienced before an exam, compared to the control group. Salmon, flax seed and walnuts are all sources of omega-3.

I believe we can help our problems with mood through what we eat, and evidence supporting that belief is piling up. That's good news.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Upper West Side Counseling

Mindsight and Google

2011-11-28T07:51:00.000-05:00

As part of its Personal Growth Series, in 2009 Google invited Dan Siegel to give a talk about his work called Mindsight. Dan looked with his audience at important questions:

What is the mind?
What is a healthy mind?
What can you do to have a healthy mind?

These are questions that are not addressed in our culture and are even not often addressed in the training programs of therapists and counselors.

I'm currently about two-thirds of the way through a three-year course with Dan in IPNB. He's one of the best teachers I've studied with. I think you'll both learn from and enjoy listening to him.

If you want more, read Dan's book, Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation.

Studying with Dan has greatly enriched the way I work as a counselor. If you'd like to know more about that please email me or you can post a comment here.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy for Change

2011 How to Survive the Holidays

2011-11-14T08:38:00.000-05:00

Back in around 1987 I was the assistant to the leader (Jill Raiguel, MFCC) for a workshop called How to Survive the Holidays. It was the best attended workshop we did, which told me how much of a problem holidays can be for people.

Since then, I've watched for opportunities to be helpful around the holiday season - in my psychotherapy practice and, since it's inception, in this blog. Here it is, that time again. The suggestions below have been tried, tested and added to since 1987.

It seems some things don't change. The more dysfunctional your family, the more important it is to have a plan.

Make sure you get time away from the house. Go for a walk, run an errand, see a movie. This is easier when you're the visitor, but sometimes just five minutes alone in the backyard or the back room can help.
Have a support person lined up. That could be your good friend from where you live now, ready to remind you over the phone that you have a life outside your family. Get psychotherapy if you need it. (Many therapists will make a phone appointment with you during an out of town visit.)
If you are the visitor and there are people you like who live in the same town or city as your family, make plans to see them on your own during the visit.
Conduct an experiment: Study your family members as if you were meeting them for the first time. This will give you some helpful distance and perspective. And it can be surprising.
Remember: You are not your family; you are a separate person.

Please ask questions or make comments here, or you're welcome to email me.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in New York City

An Epidemic of Overwhelm

2011-11-07T08:13:00.001-05:00

This blog post's title is a quote from a 2011 Harvard Business Review article, Maintain Your Mental Well-Being.

Many of us feel overwhelmed these days. There is so much to do in addition to regular work and chores. The Internet (much as I love it) is part of the problem. One example is the way it's impossible to feel that you have fully researched anything.

So it's nice to see the problem being addressed by such a visible and business-oriented publication. The article includes one of my favorite guidelines for a healthy mental life, The Healthy Mind Platter, developed by David Rock, the article's author, and one of my favorite teachers, Dan Siegel. Here is that portion of the article:

The seven essential mental activities are:
Focus Time. When we closely focus on tasks in a goal-oriented way, taking on challenges that make deep connections in the brain.

Play Time. When we allow ourselves to be spontaneous or creative, playfully enjoying novel experiences, which helps make new connections in the brain.

Connecting Time. When we connect with other people, ideally in person, richly activating the brain's social circuitry.

Physical Time. When we move our bodies, aerobically if possible, which strengthens the brain in many ways.

Time In. When we quietly reflect internally, focusing on sensations, images, feelings and thoughts, helping to better integrate the brain.

Down Time. When we are non-focused, without any specific goal, and let our mind wander or simply relax, which helps our brain recharge.

Sleep Time. When we give the brain the rest it needs to consolidate learning and recover from the experiences of the day.

Food for thought... even small changes that give your brain more of the above can make a difference in how you experience life and in the health of your brain.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on the Upper West Side

Fish Oil May Improve Mood

2011-10-31T08:15:00.004-04:00

Nutritionists I know regularly recommend fish oil to improve mood as well as for other health-related reasons. I know psychopharmacologists who recommend fish oil be taken to boost the effects of anti-depressants. Here's some 2011 research that backs up this thinking.

A multi-year study of mice and omega 3 fatty acids conducted at the University of Indiana School of Medicine confirmed benefits in the areas of mood improvements.

One of the main active ingredients in fish oil is the fatty acid DHA. The mice used in the study had been bred to be stress-sensitive and to have bi-polar conditions. The researchers were able to see DHA impacting on mouse genes that are known to react to psychiatric medications.

They were surprised to find that the fish oil had also decreased the mice's cravings for alcohol. This was good news, since alcohol abuse is often part of the picture for those with bi-polar disorders.

Of course, this is a study of mice, not humans. But still...

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
New York City Counseling

The Right Therapist

2011-10-24T08:17:00.000-04:00

By the "right" therapist, I mean the one who is right for you. The work you do together can be life transforming, so finding a therapist who is a good fit is important.

Sometimes new people call me up and just want to make an appointment. This might mean they're making appointments with a few therapists to test the waters in person. Sometimes it's because they've gotten my name from someone who both knows them and whom they trust.

Many people do prefer a referral from someone they know, but what if you're new to town? Or you may need to go to a therapist on your insurance provider list. Many people look for a therapist with Internet searches.

Unless you have gotten a really strong personal referral you may want to talk to therapists on the phone before making an appointment. Most therapists are willing to spend several minutes answering your questions and helping you get a sense of how they might help you. Some questions to ask:

Do they have experience working with people who want to change what you want to change?
Does it seem easy to talk to the therapist?
Can you imagine sitting down with this person and feeling comfortable with her or him?
If specific modalities or contexts, such as EMDR, Cogntive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or IPNB appeal to you, ask about the therapist's experience with them.
If you have financial questions, now's the time to ask: How much does it cost? Is the therapist in your network, if that's important to you.

If it doesn't feel right to you, trust your reaction. If you do feel comfortable over the phone, that's a good sign.

If you do need to go to someone on your provider list, you can start with the names that are geographically most convenient. Work your way out from there until you speak with someone who fits your needs, someone you can imagine really talking to. Same thing with the Internet, you can start with geography, then make calls. Most of my clients who found me on the web searched for psychotherapy New York City or psychotherapy 10024.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Upper West Side Psychotherapy

Mindfulness for a Happier Brain

2011-09-26T07:57:00.000-04:00

Dan Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence and The Brain and Emotional Intelligence wrote this interesting Huffington Post article about mindfulness practice increasing happiness.

In the the article writes about a study (one of many) conducted by Richard Davidson (photo on the right) of the University of Wisconsin. The participants were working 24/7 in a high stress biotech environment. Mindfulness practice resulted in less stress, which is, of course, good; but the participants also reported that they'd gotten back in touch with what they loved about their jobs.

That's pretty impressive. Mindfulness practice doesn't mean you have to spend an hour a day. Just a few minutes a day have been shown to make a difference. Dan and Richie look like they practice what they preach, don't they?

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Counseling for Change

Treating Maternal Depression Helps Children

2011-09-19T07:33:00.000-04:00

A Columbia University (et al) study published in the American Journal for Psychiatry in March, 2011, shows that symptoms of children improve and problem behaviors decrease no matter when a mother's depression remits but that functioning improves only with "early-remitting" mothers.

Maternal depression has been previously established as a significant risk factor for well-being in children. This study suggests that while treating mothers' depression at any time is beneficial to children, treating it early helps children to develop improved functioning - not just stop problem behaviors. The amount of overall improvement is also greater with early treatment.

There are many ways to treat depression. The message to depressed mothers is: Choose a treatment that feels right to you and get started ASAP, for your child's sake as well as your own. If you are nursing or for other reasons would like to avoid medications, consider counseling. Aerobic exercise and time spent in nature have also been shown to improve mood.

Please post any questions or comments here or email me.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
New York City Counseling

More on the Upside of Depression

2011-09-12T08:39:00.001-04:00

Last March I wrote a post called Psychotherapy in the News: Depression's Upside. It was about the positive relationship between depression and learning from experiences

Another study I came across recently provides evidence that depressed people do better in sequential decision making. (If you're interested in the full study, conducted by Clarkson University's professor of psychology Andreas Wilke, you can purchase a PDF file.) The study simulated the work-related task of hiring from a pool of applicants. Depressed participants' strategies were closer to the ideal strategy than were non-depressed participants.

It's an important type of decision making - and it's related to tasks beyond the workplace: Choosing whom to date... buying a refrigerator...

Depression may have an evolutionary purpose. Understanding that can help us develop more effective treatments.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on the Upper West Side

Mind Body Therapies being Prescribed

2011-08-29T08:05:00.000-04:00

MBT (mind body therapies) used to be thought of as out on the skinny branches as a medical treatment, but that has been changing.

According to a recent study completed by Harvard Medical School and its affiliate Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, not only do more than a third of Americans use CAM (complementary or alternative medicine) but one out of 30 have had non-traditional medicine prescribed by a medical provider.

The study analyzed information from more than 23,000 U.S. households.

As a psychotherapist, I've been recommending meditation, yoga and breath work, among other MBTs, for a couple of decades. Research like this may make my mainstream-oriented clients more comfortable trying them. I've found all these approaches to be helpful to many, many clients.

Please post a comment or questions here, or you are welcome to email me.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Upper West Side Counseling

NIMH Study of Depression

2011-08-22T07:40:00.000-04:00

If you are considering medication for depression, you may want to read the National Institute of Mental Health's Questions and Answers about STAR*D.

STAR*D, which stands for "sequenced treatment alternatives to relieve depression," is the largest study ever conducted about depression. More than 4000 participants were studied over a seven year period.

Reading about the study results may help you get a better feeling for what to expect if you choose medication, the odds of being helped and how long it may take.

You may also want to read Science Daily's April, 2011, article about the NIMH study, Anti-Depressants May Not Improve All Symptoms of Depression, Researchers Find.

The study results indicated that people who respond well to treatment with medication have a better chance of remaining symptom free than those who experience only symptom improvement. Things you may want to consider instead of, or to augment medication, are:

All the above have been shown to have positive effects on depression symptoms.

The one thing you shouldn't do is to do nothing.

Depression is miserable to have and has huge costs in terms of relationships, health and productivity. Because depression reduces energy and motivation it can be hard to take steps to get help. Please keep in mind that those things, as well as feelings of hopelessness, are common symptom of depression. Most people recover. Start with whatever step you can take: Make a call, go to the gym or the park, start therapy, join a meditation group...

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW

Psychotherapy for Change

Parts of the Brain ... and the Value of Having Fun

2011-08-15T08:12:00.000-04:00

If you are interested in learning the names of the parts of the brain or looking for an easy way to remember them, you might like this musical cartoon.

In any case, the video is fun to watch.

Fun is good for your brain, and what's good for the brain is also good for mood. Play, spontaneous fun, helps the brain make new connections. If you had trouble smiling at the video or tapping your foot along with the music, you may want to explore the causes of that. Counseling may help you free up what is in the way of you having fun in life, or if you just don't want to talk about it! you might consider neurofeedback.

For more about activities that are good for the brain, read this post about Dan Siegel and Dan Goleman's Healthy Brain Platter.

Catherine Boyer
Psychotherapy on the Upper West Side

Exercise May Reduce Marijuana Cravings

2011-08-08T07:37:00.000-04:00

I'm not an addictions specialist, but my colleagues who are tell me they find that marijuana dependence is one of the more difficult addictions to treat.

With more limited experience in my general psychotherapy practice, I would have to say the same thing.

Lack of motivation to stop is one of the problems. There are no medications to treat marijuana dependence. Those points, among others, make the following especially interesting.

According to a recently published study done at Vanderbilt University, exercise can decrease marijuana use and cravings. It was a small study - 12 people - but the participants found their cravings for marijuana decreased by 50% after a two-week program of ten 30-minute sessions on a treadmill. Actually, the 50% benefit was achieved after only one week of the aerobic exercise program.

These were students who met both the criteria for "marijuana dependence" and who were not seeking treatment to stop their use.

Such a small study with such interesting, potentially useful results means that a larger, controlled study should happen and hopefully will. Still, it's hard not to conclude: Yet another benefit of aerobic exercise.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Upper West Side Counseling

Depression as the Number One Cause of College Drop Out

2011-08-01T07:44:00.000-04:00

A Michigan State University study published this year in the Journal of Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Process identified depression as the number one reason college students drop out of school.

More than 40 percent of college students fail to get a Bachelors Degree within six years of entering college. Think about how many young people that translates to...

Since depression is generally very treatable, identifying it as a major cause of dropping out is important. Early intervention could change the course of these students' lives.

Usually counseling services are available to students on campus, with referrals out if longer term treatment is needed. Aerobic exercise, meditation, and medication can also help.

Catherine Boyer
Psychotherapy for Change

Trans Fats and Depression

2011-07-25T08:55:00.000-04:00

Is there a relationship between what you eat and risk of depression? A Medscape article earlier this year talks about the results of longitudinal a study done in Spain.

Longitudinal means that the study followed its particpants over a long period of time, in this case, starting in 1999. Those participants who consumed foods containing trans fats had a 48% higher risk of depression.

Diet recommendations from the lead author of the study, Almudena Sánchez-Villegas, PhD, were quoted by Medscape:

Avoid some types of fats, such as trans and saturated fatty acids, and increase the intake of polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fat; it's better to consume olive oil than margarine or butter, better to use low-fat dairy than high-fat dairy, and better to eat fish than to consume meat or meat products; avoid fast and processed foods and commercial bakery; and try to increase your consumption of fruits, vegetables, and nuts.

These are the same diet changes that we've heard for years are good for physical well-being and decreasing the risk for an assortment of diseases. Research internationally, including the Spanish study, has also been showing associations between diet and mental health risk.

Yet another reason to switch to olive oil!

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW

Manhattan Psychotherapy

Stress and Anxiety, the Good News and the Bad News

2011-07-18T07:35:00.000-04:00

A University of Wisconsin article about the upside and downside of anxiety points out that, while anxiety can make us more alert to our surroundings, it also diminishes our ability to do complex thinking.

The information we receive through our senses is enhanced, but our ability to think well about what to do with that information is decreased. This can make us act too quickly and make poor choices.

Richard Davidson, well-known researcher of the effects on the brain of meditation, suggests that mindfulness practice can reduce stress while improving our ability to perform complex thinking.

More and more in my counseling work, I teach mindfulness practices. In addition to what we're talking about in this blog post, I find that mindfulness training also enhances people's ability to work through the sometimes difficult and challenging material of therapy. Mindfulness training seems to be especially important to my most traumatized clients - but helpful across the board.

Please post any comments here or email me confidentially.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on the Upper West Side

Can I Help my Relationship Going to Counseling Solo?

2011-07-11T09:22:00.000-04:00

If you know your relationship needs help and you think couple's counseling would help, what do you do if your partner isn't willing to try it?

Go yourself.

Here's a way to think about it: Any couple is like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle stuck together by some mixture of positives and negatives.

If either of you starts to change the shape of your piece - healing your past, learning new skills, changing in some positive way - the other person in the couple either changes the shape of their piece, or the pieces come unstuck. I know that last part may be scary, but in my experience, if both people want to stay together, it will almost always work out.

A good book that can help if you are the one taking the lead is Patricia Love and Steven Stosny's How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. This book gives you a lot of helpful new ways to think about being with someone and concrete ways to implement what you learn.

Another book that can be very helpful to read alone (or with your partner if he or she is up for it) is Sue Johnson's Hold Me Tight.

One of Sue's recommendations that I especially love is to have at least four six-second hugs a day. There is something quite magical that happens right around the fourth or fifth second, a softening and connecting that your two bodies do without your minds having to get involved.

So go for counseling yourself. Even if your partner never joins you, with good therapy you will grow as a person and be able to take that home with you.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Upper West Side Counseling

Mindfulness Meditation Changes Brain Structure

2011-07-02T08:03:00.000-04:00

A study recently completed at Massachusetts General Hospital has indicated that participants in an eight week long mindfulness program showed measurable positive changes in their brain structure. The changes were in brain areas associated with:

Memory
Sense of Self
Empathy
Stress

This is over and above the states of relaxation and the peacefulness often associated with mindfulness practice.

Participants' mindfulness practice averaged 27 minutes a day, and the study lasted eight weeks. These are positive results, of course; but it's also fascinating to read that brain imaging showed actual brain changes from this relatively short period of time practicing.

One of the things the researchers want to study is whether mindfulness practice can protect against vulnerability to conditions such as PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

We are complex systems, but more and more research is validating that there are simple practices we can engage with that broadly benefit our systems. Eat your broccoli. Practice mindfulness.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Counseling on the Upper West Side

How Soon Should I See Change from Counseling?

2011-06-27T09:03:00.000-04:00

That's a question most people starting a course of psychotherapy have - how long will they be coming to their therapist's office?

I think that you can often very quickly - even in the first session - have a sense that your therapist "gets you" and feels confident that if you work together you can accomplish real change.

I believe it's good to have clear goals in mind. That means not just wanting to feel better but also having a sense of how that would look in your life.

Healthier relationships (less fighting, more fun...)
Different work
Liking your body better
Better self care
No panic attacks
Waking up looking forward to the day

These are some examples. Think about what those things might be for you. Achieving them will make whatever amount of time it takes be a worthwhile investment in yourself.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
New York City Psychotherapy

How to Cope with a Changing World

2011-06-10T10:42:00.000-04:00

We have a lot on our plates these days - national and international economic woes, wars, earthquakes, tsunamis, climate change. It can feel overwhelming. It's more important than ever to have simple ways of keeping our feet on the ground.

Here are some ways to help maintain your equilibrium as well as be part of the solutions to these very large problems.

Find time to get out into nature. Studies show that as little as 20 minutes improves mood. It also helps us stay connected to our home on the Earth.
Exercise has also been demonstrated to decrease both anxiety and depression, two common responses to feeling overwhelmed.
Mindfulness training increases compassion. It's much easier to make good choices for ourselves and others when we feel connected.
Find some small ways to make positive changes and make them habitual. You may not know how to develop alternative fuels, but you can turn off the lights.

If we take care of ourselves, it's easier to do what we can do in the service of bigger goals.

Upper West Side Counseling
Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW

What is Mindfulness?

2011-06-03T15:46:00.000-04:00

There are many definitions of mindfulness. A simple way of thinking about it is that mindfulness is staying present moment by moment to what is arising, staying present without judgement.

Anyone who has every tried it knows this is something that takes practice. What makes it important to counseling and psychotherapy?

Whatever we can bring into present awareness in a therapeutic way, we are able to heal. Bringing mindfulness to the process can mean a safe way of working with traumatic memories - flashbacks, for example - that heals and integrates the memories rather than re-traumatizing the person.

It's often part of the healing to do this process with a safe person such as a good counselor. That may be because so many traumas happen with not safe others involved.

More and more therapists are incorporating mindfulness into their work. If you'd like to read more about this way of thinking and working (whether as a client or as a counselor), a great place to start is Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation by Dan Siegel.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
New York City Psychotherapy

Daydreaming Doesn't Make You Happy

2011-05-27T10:44:00.000-04:00

This interesting New York Times article on daydreaming describes extensive research conducted at Harvard using an iPhone app called trackyourhappiness.

More than 2,200 people around the world weighed in on what they were doing and thinking when prompted by a call generated by the app. The happiest people were the ones having sex. Those in the next happiest group were exercising.

Part of the reason for this had to do with how much people were paying attention to what was actually happening in the moment. Having one's mind wander resulted in a drop in mood, as checked by the app 15 minutes later.

Feeling bad did not produce daydreaming; but daydreaming, at least with the most frequent mind-wanderers, made people feel worse. Daydreaming, even though it can lead to creative solutions, for the most part doesn't lead to feeling good.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on the Upper West Side

A Simple Question Can Stop a Fight

2011-05-20T09:34:00.000-04:00

If you're having a fight with someone you love, try to ask yourself this question:

Which do I want more? To be connected to _____ or to be right about the fight?

Fights with people we love usually start with some kind of break in connection. Something happens, or doesn't happen, and we feel unseen or unheard or unsupported. Many of us react negatively and...

Go on the attack.
Take ourselves away (literally or while staying in the room).
Start criticizing.
Say sneaky things that don't look like judgments but are.
Etc.

If you can remember that you want to be connected to this person, it may help you stop long enough to figure out what really happened. A good book for couples that helps people tease this apart is Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson. You can use it to work on the disconnections yourself or read it with your partner.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Upper West Side Counseling

The Master and His Emissary

2011-05-13T12:43:00.000-04:00

My counseling clients often ask me questions about which hemisphere does what. The answers are much more complex than the idea that a particular function is located in a particular area of the brain.

One of the ways this is relevant to psychotherapy is that people have often learned to lean on one hemisphere in order to adapt to difficulties in the family when they were growing up.

To lead a fully balanced life we need access to what's offered by our whole brain. Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) and mindfulness training is part of how this can be addressed.

For anyone interested in learning more about the functions of the left and right hemispheres - which see the world in very different ways - I highly recommend The Master and His Emissary by Iain McGilchrist. No special scientific background is needed to learn from and enjoy this book.

There is a big clue in the title - but it is probably not what your're thinking!

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on the Upper West Side

The Adult as a Two-Year Old

2011-05-06T07:46:00.000-04:00

Have you ever noticed how when an adult is really triggered - reacting intensely to something that doesn't seem to warrant it - that there is no point in trying to reason with that person?

That's because what you are seeing in action is their limbic system. Sometimes referred to as the reptilian brain, it is thought to be older than other parts of the brain and to perhaps be the seat of emotions. It begins to form while in utero and functions throughout our lifetimes, but it does not mature. It's still a small child... and we all have one.

That means that we retain the ability to react as a two-year old when our buttons are pushed. The same person who is throwing the equivalent of a tantrum, if you just wait a bit, will become an adult again.

If this is you throwing the tantrums and it happens a lot, you may want to consider psychotherapy to get to the source of those triggers - and uninstall them.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
New York City Psychotherapy

Vulnerability, Connection and Shame

2011-04-29T14:43:00.000-04:00

Brené Brown, researcher and story teller, on vulnerabiltiy. 20 minutes long, but well worth it. She starts with connection, "which is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives." I think she's absolutely right. She talks about the "unnamed thing that unravels connection" and what that unnamed thing is.

What Brené Brown is talking about - shame - is generally not the first thing people work on in psychotherapy. But it is so worth working towards and working through. Brené found through her research that the people who had the strongest sense of belonging and connection believe that they deserve it.

So: I deserve to be loved is the opposite of shame: Knowing that you and I deserve to be loved - with all our imperfections. That gives you permission (from you) to be yourself. Being yourself is a prerequisite for connecting. You just can't feel connected if you don't feel your're being authentic.

In the video, Brené shares her own story of working through the vulnerability at the heart of shame. If you recognize yourself in this, I hope it inspires you to get started.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Manhattan Psychotherapy

"Self Sabotage" - What May Be Really Going On

2011-04-22T09:38:00.000-04:00

People frequently come into my psychotherapy office blaming themselves for sabotaging their own lives, their relationships, their progress at work... They ask themselves (and me) questions like:

Am I afraid of success?
Is this because I have poor self esteem?
Is there something wrong with me?
Am I just weak?

All these questions have them criticizing themselves. Hard to win in that model. Here's another way to look at "self-sabotage."

If there's something you want in life and aren't going after or something that harms you that you aren't changing, it's likely that you first need to look for what I call The Hidden Benefit.

What I mean by that is that if you know something would be better for you and you're not making the change, there has to be some belief, perhaps not at all conscious, that making the change puts something at risk. Otherwise, you'd just make the change. Here are some examples:

If I succeed I'll be too different from my family.
This behavior (eating disorder, addiction...) is the only way I know to comfort myself.
Keeping a low profile means people won't hurt me.
Sacrificing my own needs is how I survived my childhood.
You're not safe if you're not angry.

Those are just examples, but if you can tease out - perhaps with the help of a therapist - what The Hidden Benefit is, you have taken a big step towards finding another way to take care of yourself, one that doesn't preclude you having what you want.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Manhattan Psychotherapy

Driving While Distracted

2011-04-15T10:22:00.000-04:00

This is not directly related to psychotherapy or counseling - although the impulse to get things done now! or anxiety behind the behaviors may be - but I wanted to post the information here because I think it's important.

A few days ago, Jane E. Brody wrote an excellent article in the New York Times called Keeping Eyes on Distracted Driving's Toll. Jane quoted this from the New England Journal of Medicine: "Driving while distracted is roughly equivalent to driving drunk" (Dr. Amy N. Ship of Harvard medical School). Here's another quote from Jane's article:

The National Safety Council estimates that at least 1.6 million crashes - 28 percent of the total - are caused each year by drivers using cellphones or texting. Sometimes those crashes are deadly. The National Highway Traffic Safety Commission reported that in 2008, approximately one in six fatal accidents resulted from a driver being distracted.

Jane's article begins by asking if you have ever done any of a list of activities while driving. I doubt if any of us could say no to all of them. I know I can't.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
New York City Psychotherapy

Money Does Not Buy Happiness

2011-04-01T09:52:00.000-04:00

In research published late in 2010, the relationship between happiness and income was examined in 37 countries. This was a longterm large population study completed by economist Richard Easterlin in collaboration with a team of researchers from the University of Southern California. The average length of time studied per country was 22 years.

The results: Degree of happiness and well-being in each country did not go up with the country's income growth. This held true whether the country was poor or rich, capitalist or ex-Communist. Earlier studies showed that income and happiness did correlate. Because this study was so longterm it revealed that, while that may be true at a point in time during a country's economic development, it does not hold true over the long haul.

So we're nudged to look elsewhere for the sources of happiness - in relationships, in job satisfaction, in mindfulness practice... More money and more of the things money can buy don't provide it.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on the Upper West Side

We're Ready for Spring

2011-03-25T14:08:00.000-04:00

We're all waiting not very patiently for spring here in New York. It's been a long, cold winter, so I thought I'd post a slide show from April of 2010, just for a tasste of what's to come. These photos were taken at the New York Botanical Gardens in the Bronx.

New Yorkers and visitors from around the world have been going to the Gardens for 120 years. They are a wonderful gift left to us. The Gardens are 250 acres...

As I've posted before, time in nature improves mood. Just 20 minutes will do it, but you'll want a lot more of that if you are there in person.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW

New York City Psychotherapy

Mental Health Websites

2011-03-18T10:13:00.000-04:00

Sometimes researching on the Internet can be overwhelming, and research has shown that we make better decisions when we put limits on how much input we sort through.

Here are two websites that may help you do that.

PsychCentral.com - In 2008 Time Magazine listed PsychCentral as one of the 50 best sites on the web. It has blogs by experts, assessment quizes, and links to resources.

MentalHelp.net is similar but is a little easier to navigate.

Both sites also have therapist directories available at no charge. Read Finding the Right Therapist for advice on making a good choice.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in New York City

Meditation and the Brain

2011-03-11T13:53:00.000-05:00

Meditation can help us relax, improve sleep, and increase contentment.

And, according to researchers at UCLA, MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) scans of participants in a 2009 study showed that long term meditators have increased energy in certain regions of the brain that play a part in the regulation of emotions.

This may explain why experienced meditators tend to approach life with more equanimity - to respond rather than react (and regret).

Regular meditators also experience more positive emotions.

There are many types of meditation. I like to start my clients with something simple. For example, Dr. Dan Siegel teaches a breath awareness meditation that works well for most people. An exception would be someone who has had a traumatic experience around breathing - almost drowning, for example. It can also be hard for some who experience asthma or other illnesses that affect the breath. Focusing on the repetition of a word or simple phrase or on an object such as a candle flame are other easy ways to get started.

As little as five minutes a day can make a difference.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on the Upper West Side

Connection and Compassion

2011-03-04T11:01:00.000-05:00

This delightful short film called Second Line was directed and acted in by Danny Glover. It's not only inspiring; it also made me laugh out loud. Liberty Mutual (which I have no connection to) funded it as part The Responsibility Project.

One thing I've learned from 20 plus years as a psychotherapist and for the last eight years with neurofeedback is that personal healing leads to living with more compassion and more moment to moment awareness of our connection to others. Doing "the right thing" becomes easier, even effortless. And has a ripple effect, as the film shows...

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on the Upper West Side

Trauma and Mindfulness

2011-02-25T17:23:00.001-05:00

John Briere, in this five minute video, is speaking at the 2009 Awakening to Mindfulness conference about trauma, suffering and mindfulness.

Some of the points from his talk (in my words):

Pain is the experience we have when we have been hurt. This includes pain from traumatic memories.
When we are traumatized, those memories are powerful and can have an immediacy as if the trauma was still happening.
You may be triggered by things in the present that feel similar - a tone of voice, an expression, the color of a room.
Knowing that you're triggered may not help you control what you say and do.
If you have been hurt early on, you probably didn't develop a strong ability to regulate your feelings and your expression of them.
People typically make attempts to self-regulate in ways that don't work (addictions, dissociation, numbing out, etc.).

You can process the memories so that they don't hurt as much. Psychotherapy can help you do this safely. And increasingly, counselors are teaching the mindfulness practices Briere talks about in the video. You learn to intentionally focus on present experience - without judgement.

Whatever we can bring our awareness to mindfully, we can heal.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
New York City Psychotherapy

Van der Kolk Treatment Center for Trauma

2011-02-18T09:08:00.003-05:00

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk has been a well-respected leader in the treatment of severe trauma for decades. By severe trauma I mean, among other things, Dissociative Identity Disorder (which used to be called Multiiple Personality Disorder) as well as PTSD and types of personality disorders that typically stem from abuse and neglect.

The state of the art treatment programs at the Van der Kolk Center in Massachusetts are based on his research. Read more in this article about the trauma center, quoted from below:

[The programs] have names such as Attachment, Self-Regulation, and Competence Treatment; Sensory Motor Arousal Regulation Therapy; Trauma-Informed Yoga; and neurofeedback. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing [EMDR] should begin by December [2010].

This is a residential treatment center, but it's possible to find many of these treatments in most areas. On the links page of my neurofeedback website you can connect to two lists of neurofeedback providers and you can look for EMDR providers on the EMDR Institute website and at the EMDR Therapist Network site.

For clinicians and researchers, Treating Complex Traumatic Stress Disorders: An Evidence-Based Guide is a comprehensive resource, including Dr. van der Kolk's work among others.

Our understanding of trauma has grown by leaps and bounds. Trauma changes the brains of adults and affects the development of the brains of children; but we're now understanding much more about what is needed to heal these traumas, not just manage the consequences of them.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
New York City Psychotherapy

Music Therapy and Depression

2011-02-11T11:03:00.000-05:00

This Swedish study of music therapy is the largest to date looking into the effects of music as a treatment for depression.

It's a quite well designed study. Two different types of music therapy were tested with two control groups receiving either nature sounds or being placed on a wait list.

The study showed decreases in emotional and cognitive elements of depression in both groups receiving the music therapy.

It also showed a high rate of compliance. Music therapy seems to be easy to stay with long enough to feel better, even though the subjects agreed to listen twice a day for 30 minutes at a time. The lack of the kinds of side effects associated with anti-depressants may make this result important.

Something you can take away from this for yourself is: What do you already know about you and music? Do you tend to play melancholy music when you're feeling down? You might want to try turning that off and switching to something that lifts your mood. Music that makes you want to dance might be a good choice - aerobic exercise has also been shown to benefit depression.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in Manhattan

But Only If It's Fun

2011-02-04T11:33:00.000-05:00

A study published in November 2010 in the British Journal of Psychiatry indicates that people who exercise regularly have less symptoms of depression.

But there's a caveat:

It needs to be exercise that is done in your spare time, not exercise that is part of your job. People whose jobs required physical activity did not have a lower risk of depression symptoms.

More than 40,000 people in Norway were interviewed for this study. The more active physically the participants were, the less likely they were to have depression symptoms. How intense the exercise was did not affect the results, but the researchers did believe that a key factor may be the exercise taking place in a social context.

Another reason to go to that yoga class...

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on the Upper West Side

Neuroplasticity and Psychotherapy

2011-01-28T11:18:00.000-05:00

Neuroplasticity means our brains' ability to change and reorganize our networks of neurons. What does that mean for counseling and psychotherapy?

It means that it is not true that past a certain age, the brain can't change; and psychotherapy is all about change. Fortunately for us, neuroplasticity continues throughout life.

Neuroplasticity is enhanced by taking care of these six elements of life:

Nutrition - Omega 3s, for example, are great for a healthy brain and neuroplasticity.
Aerobic exercise - yet another reason moving our bodies around is good for us.
Social relationships - connections with others (therapy can help remove obstacle to this).
Sleep - if you have what I call sleep machismo ("I can get by on four hours a night!"), you may want to rethink that. Therapy can help resolve problems with sleep, as can neurofeedback.
Novelty - learning new things generates new neurons and new neural connections.
Closely paying attention activates neural circuits. Meditation and mindfulness training can be helpful in increasing the ability to be in the moment and pay close attention.

Please post any comments you have. You're also welcome to email me.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in New York City

Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation

2011-01-20T10:13:00.000-05:00

If you've been following this blog, you've already read here about Dr. Dan Siegel's work with mindfulness practice - a variety of ways of training your brain to stay in the present moment - and its importance to mental health. A way to think of mindfulness practice is that it's a fitness program for the brain.

If you'd like to read more about this, a good entry point, overview and practical guide is Dan's book, Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation.

Another good introduction is this one hour talk, hosted by Google University. Among other things, Dan talks about the questions, "What is the mind?" and "What is mental health?"

You would think those two terms would have been thoroughly discussed and defined in the graduate programs therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists participate in as part of their training. In reality, that happens rarely, if at all - until now, with Dan's teachings. (I'm currently in the middle of a three year certification program that I highly recommend.)

This is, in my opinion, cutting edge psychotherapy.

Comments and questions are welcome, either here on the blog or you can email me.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in New York City

Aerobic Exercise Improves Sleep

2011-01-10T14:21:00.000-05:00

Anyone who suffers from insomnia knows how miserable it can be. This Northwestern University study showed that exercise can help. Participants in the study exercised in either two 20-minutes sessions four times a week or one 30-40 minute session four times a week. The period of the study was 16 weeks.

Compared to the control group, who participated in activities such as classes or museum lectures, the group that did the aerobic exercise reported that they went from being "poor sleepers" to being "good sleepers." They also reported other benefits, including less symptoms of depression.

Whenever a new client starts psychotherapy, exercise and sleep are two of the things I ask about. If the client suffers from depression or anxiety - both of which can cause poor sleep, and both of which can be made worse by poor sleep - I recommend some form of aerobic exercise. (Of course, the person needs to know they're medically okay for exercising.)

Pick a form of exercise you like. If you hate running but love dancing... just make sure it's to fast music!

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
New York City Psychotherapy

Distress May Hurt Your Heart

2011-01-04T17:35:00.000-05:00

According to this US News article about Type D personality people, anxiety, stress, depression and negativity - hallmarks of this type - triple the risk for heart problems. The article says that about 20% of otherwise healthy Americans are Type D and possibly as many as half the people being treated for heart disease are Type Ds.

Type D is a name for people who tend to see the glass as half full and to worry about both small and large things. Often they are chronically angry. At the same time many do not show their feelings.

In addition to the health risks, it doesn't sound like much fun, does it? If you recognize yourself, you already know that these traits don't make for great quality of life. You can take steps to address your "Type D-ness."

Exercise and time in nature can help, and psychotherapy can help you eliminate underlying causes. Please comment here, or you can email me confidentially with questions.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on the Upper West Side

Winter Doldrums?

2010-12-27T14:25:00.000-05:00

Many people with depression tendencies feel worse as the days get short and sometimes dark, as it was here yesterday during the storm. This post is a quick reminder that getting out into nature has been demonstrated to raise mood.

This short slide show was taken today in New York's Central Park after 20 inches of snow.

There were not a lot of people in the park - it was still pretty windy - and half of those out had dogs, which probably helped get them out the door. It was exhilarating being out, though. If you're feeling down, consider going out, and see if it doesn't raise your mood.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on the Upper West Side

Loneliness Prevention

2010-12-17T11:10:00.000-05:00

This is a time of year when many people are feeling especially lonely. If you identify with that, here in this post is something that you can do about it right now.

Besides feeling bad, research has shown that loneliness can be a health factor, negatively affecting conditions from blood pressure to dementia. It can also reduce sleep quality, and poor sleep impacts just about everything.

People who want to be helpful, including most therapists, usually start with advice about where and how to meet people and how to build friendships. That makes sense, but a meta-analysis of 20 well-designed research studies shows that the best method of fighting loneliness is changing how you think about and perceive others. Interesting, isn't it? Strategies for meeting others or improving social skills can help, but it's changing how you think about yourself and others that this research showed will make the most difference.

If you tell yourself things like "I'm someone no one could like" or "Everyone's too busy," it's counter-productive. If you have those kinds of inaccurate (really, they are!) and negative thoughts, it will affect whether and how you make contact with others.

A first step would be just noticing what you're thinking when you feel lonely. Do that for a few days. If your thoughts are downers, try changing how you think and see what happens. If you find this difficult, you may want to work with a counselor to get to any underlying causes that may be blocking change.

Please ask questions or make comments here, or you can email me. Loneliness does not have to be a permanent condition.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
New York City Psychotherapy

What to Do about Commuter Stress

2010-12-10T15:21:00.000-05:00

Living in New York City, I hear about the stress of commuting a lot from my clients and friends. I'm blessed with a 15 minute walk from home to office, but I've commuted in the past and appreciate the problem. There are steps you can take.

Guest poster Guy Brandon is a practising counselor and author based in Cambridge, UK. guy founded the website StressingOut.org in order to provide resources for stress, depression, anxiety and related conditions. Guy has given us some very useful information about the stresses of commuting and what we can do about it. Here's what Guy recommends:

Stress is essentially a response to lack of control in your environment. It’s your body’s way of preparing you for decisive action that will keep you safe in a threatening situation.

The problem is that stress today isn’t usually prompted by physical danger, like escaping from predators or fighting in self-defence; the reasons are usually social and relational. Stress is a one-size-fits-all response that was never intended to address high workloads or arguments about money.

Commuting is a classic example. An hour in the car on on the subway in the morning can leave you anxious and drained.

There are two ways to address this: firstly, through adjusting your commute itself – taking a different route, changing times to avoid the rush hour, perhaps car sharing or even organising a day or two a week working from home. Obviously, such solutions aren’t possible for everyone.

The other is to deal with the stress itself using a range of relaxation techniques and other exercises. Your mind and body are linked in such a way that feedback from the latter affects the former, rather than solely your mind determining the way your body feels: it's a two-way street. This means that simple, physical techniques can reduce anxiety and have further beneficial knock-on effects on your body, too. That can make a frustrating and stressful commute a lot more manageable.

For those of you who, like me, didn't know the meaning of the British term "knock-on," it means a domino effect, in this case, a good one.

Please post any comments or questions you have, or email me. Many thanks to Guy for offering us this good advice on stress.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW

New York City Psychotherapy

Getting Out into the Green Spaces

2010-11-30T09:24:00.000-05:00

I've been posting here for awhile on the benefits to mood from being in nature. It made my day to read this article about the physical as well as mental health benefits of getting more time with green. It's by Jane Brody, who writes a wonderful weekly column for the Tuesday Science Times section of the The New York Times.

The article particularly emphasizes the health risks to children of not getting outdoors - and the benefits of getting more green. It cites one study, for example, that shows improved cognitive functioning in children after moving to an area that is greener - not more affluent, just more green.

Outdoor play is time not spent with electronics. I'm thinking about that for children - and for us adults as well.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on the Upper West Side

How to Get Closure

2010-11-22T16:42:00.000-05:00

There are many roads to Rome regarding getting closure. Certainly psychotherapy can help. But here's some interesting, easy to implement, research on the subject.

A recently completed study at the NUS Business School in Singapore demonstrated that psychological closure, or at least moving towards to it, could be achieved by writing down the upsetting memory, incident, decision, etc., putting it in an envelope, and sealing the envelope! That's it. The study showed that the participants experienced less distress and regret after completing the process.

The memory of the event - the way it lived inside the participants - was positively influenced by this simple process.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in New York City

How to Survive the Holidays

2010-11-13T09:08:00.000-05:00

The question may be how to survive visiting family over the holidays, but it can also be a strain when you're the host or hostess.

Are visits with family at best stressful and at worst they repeat the bad stuff that happened when you lived with them? You are absolutely not alone. My clients who are going home over the holidays or having family come to them are often anxious about it. Strategizing ahead of time can help. Here are six tips on how to survive holidays.

Make sure you get time away from the house. Go for a walk, run an errand, see a movie. This is easier when you're the visitor, but sometimes just five minutes alone in the backyard or the back room can help.
Have a support person lined up. That could be your good friend from where you live now, ready to remind you over the phone that you have a life outside your family. Get psychotherapy if you need it. (Many therapists will make a phone appointment with you during an out of town visit.)
If you are the visitor and there are people you like who live in the same town or city as your family, make plans to see them on your own during the visit.
Conduct an experiment: Study your family members as if you were meeting them for the first time. This will give you some helpful distance and perspective. And it can be surprising.
Remember: You are not your family; you are a separate person.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in New York City

The Gift in Anger

2010-11-02T08:41:00.000-04:00

Marshall Rosenberg is the originator of Nonviolent Communication, a body of work that has been taken everywhere from couples counseling to conflicts between cultures.

He writes about the usefulness of anger in The Surprising Purpose of Anger - a 40-page question and answer booklet.that can be read in an evening. He talks about becoming more conscious of:

Judgments as the root cause of anger
The reality that your judgments keep you from knowing what you actually need
When you get clear about your needs, solutions get identified that work for everyone
Working with anger this way turns it into positive action

There are courses available in Nonviolent Communication (see their website from the link above). Just reading this little booklet may be both helpful and thought provoking.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Manhattan Psychotherapy

Depression Changes Color Perception

2010-10-11T07:49:00.000-04:00

Here is a link to a fascinating short article about a study of depression: When You Feel Blue, Why Does Everything Look Gray?

The study found that people who were depressed - whether or not they were on anti-depressants - had trouble seeing black and white contrasts. The more depressed the person was, the more difficulty they had.

My clients who have been depressed sometimes make comments - when they' start to feel better - about noticing details more, or enjoying colors again.

This underscores the physicality of depression. People who have never been depressed sometimes think it's "all in the mind," but the reality is that depression is usually physically painful and saps energy. It's very much felt in the body. Not being able to enjoy the simple act of looking around at the world...

If any of this resonates for you, please seek help. Most depressions are very, very treatable.

Please post comments here or email me with questions. You can also look at this earlier blog post for suggestions about finding a good therapist.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
New York City Psychotherapy

The Spiritual Bypass

2010-10-05T08:06:00.000-04:00

I've posted several times about the benefits of meditation and mindfulness training, so I thought it would be a good idea to mention one of the pitfalls some fall into.

This pitfall is what Jack Kornfield, one of the founders of Insight Meditation, called a Spiritual Bypass - using meditation and spiritual practice to avoid painful feelings and memories. "I'm only living in the present, not the past!" The problem is that if there is unhealed "stuff" from your past it's affecting the present and will continue to until it's brought into awareness. Forces from the unconscious can be so much a part of how we respond to the world that we don't question them.

Compassionately exploring past material in the present allows it to integrate. Sometimes this requires the presence of another person. That may need to be a counselor, but it might also be someone in your personal life with whom you have a safe relationship. Be careful of turning a friend into your therapist, though.

Mindfulness training helps us bring awareness to painful material without being drawn into thinking and feeling that that's who we are. That also helps us integrate it, which is healing.

Please post questions here, or you're welcome to email me.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
New York City Psychotherapy

Nature and Mood

2010-09-27T13:21:00.000-04:00

A couple of months ago I wrote a post called Time in Nature Boosts Vitality. It was about research showing that time spent in nature increases energy and well-being. I think it's important enough to bear repeating.

The study showed that as little as 20 minutes made people feel better - and that it was just being in nature, not exercise associated with getting there, that improved their mood. Exercise is also good for mood but it was removed as a factor so that just being out in nature could be studied.

No matter where we are our what our schedules are like, we can make this happen.

This slide show is of three photos taken this month in New York's Central Park, smack in the middle of eight and a half million people. And, lucky for me, five minutes from my psychotherapy office. What a gift we were given by the city's planners in the 1860s! One of the most urban areas in the world, but it is full of beautiful parks, so nature is still only minutes away.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on the Upper West Side

Light Boxes for Seasonal Depression

2010-09-20T20:22:00.000-04:00

Light boxes (specially designed lights that emit around 5000 to 10000 lux) have been used for decades as a treatment for Seasonal Affective Disorder,
a form of depression that typically affects people during the months with shorter days. Many find that light box therapy lifts their mood quite quickly, more quickly than may be typical with anti-depressants.

Especially here in New York City, where people sometimes live and work in buildings that don't get much sun, some of my clients find light boxes to be useful depression preventatives year round. (Just getting out and walking in the morning can be helpful.)

30 to 45 minutes a day in the morning is a common amount of time, although it's less for some. Anyone with a tendency towards mania or hypomania should be careful with introducing extra light. A consult with a psychiatrist with light box experience may be a good idea.

Most people experiment with how much time feels best to them. Some increase the amount of time as the days get shorter. Others use the light box only when they start to see signs they may be sliding into depression.

Effective light boxes have been shrinking in size, fortunately. Here is one that several of my clients have used with good results. (Light boxes will come with directions about distance and angle from your eyes.)

You can set up your light box on your breakfast table and let your eyes be bathed in light while you have your breakfast and read the newspaper.

The reason for using the light box in the morning is that light resets our circadian rhythm - our inner biological clock. If you were to do your light box viewing later in the day, your system might move back the time for getting sleepy. You don't want to move your natural ten PM bedtime to three in the morning.

On the other hand, light boxes are sometimes deliberately used later in the day, perhaps with an elderly person, to make bedtime later. Some older people get in the habit of long naps and/or early bedtimes and then find themselves waking at three or four in the morning and not being able to get back to sleep. Using the light box later in the day can reset their inner clock.

Using the light box early in the day may also be helpful to people who have gotten their sleep rhythm out of whack in the other direction - becoming a night owl when that's not natural to them.

If you want to get pregnant and are concerned about the effects of anti-depressants, light box therapy may be an alternative. A small study done with pregnant women in 2002 showed a 49% improvement in depression symptoms after three weeks. Again, consult your doctor. Every person is unique.

One of the things my clients have taught me is that they often have an intuitive sense of "this feels right" about their light box and when and how to use it.

Please feel free to post comments here or email me.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in New York City

Depression and Risk of Dementia

2010-09-10T12:12:00.000-04:00

Depression not only feels awful, physically and emotionally; it has also been associated with a greater risk of certain illnesses including some types of cancer. This recent article on PsychCentral discusses the possibility that depression may increase the risk of dementia.

Okay, so now you're saying to me, if you weren't already depressed, you are now. Why am I posting this depressing news about depression?

This is why: Because if you're researching depression for yourself (or someone you care about) I want you to get help. Different things spark motivation in each of us. Maybe this new research will help you get yourself to do what it takes to get help.

Good psychotherapy is an effective treatment for depression. Medication may be a piece of the puzzle for you, but if you're uncomfortable with medication or have tried and had difficulty with side effects, there are many other things you can do for depression. Exercise is one with a proven track record. Getting out into nature helps many people.

It can be hard to get started getting help. Difficulty taking action, struggling with lack of motivation, not having enough energy to pick up the phone - these can all be depression symptoms. Don't let them stop you. If money is an obstacle and you're in the New York City area, look on my website for low fee recommendations (if you're not from around here it will still give you ideas about what to look for).

See if there is an action you can take, even a small one. You deserve to feel better. (Not thinking you deserve to is often a sign of depression. Don't fall for that thinking; it's a symptom, not a reality.)

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Upper West Side Psychotherapy

Yoga Decreases Anxiety

2010-08-27T09:53:00.000-04:00

A new study funded by the National Institute of Health and done at the Boston University School of Medicine has found that yoga decreases anxiety and improves mood. The participants in the study who did yoga (as compared to a control group who walked) had increased levels of GABA.

Why is that important? GABA is a neurotransmitter that is found in the central nervous system and that helps regulate excitability and muscle tone. Low levels of GABA are associated with anxiety and depression, two conditions those of us who have experienced them would prefer to live without.

But why does practicing yoga increase GABA levels? That hasn't been answered yet, to my knowledge. My guess would be the reason lies somewhere in the arena of being more in the moment. We are naturally calmer when we're more fully present. It's pretty difficult to learn and practice yoga without also being in the moment and increasing awareness of your body. Try any balanced on one foot posture and see what happens when your mind wanders!

If you read something like this and have the feeling it would help you, but you can't get yourself to actually go, consider counseling.
Something is in the way, and working with a good therapist and help you identify it and transform it.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
New York City Psychotherapy

Mindfulness and The Integrated Brain

2010-08-20T08:40:00.000-04:00

More and more often I find I'm teaching mindfulness as part of my counseling practice.

What is mindfulness? Here's the definition I like (which I learned from Jon Kabat-Zinn): Paying close attention, on purpose, right now, without judgement. Some of the good results I see from practicing mindfulness come about because it promotes better integration between the left and right hemispheres of the brain. What's important about having an integrated brain? Here are some of the benefits.

Being less overwhelmed or flooded by feelings
Not being cut off from your feelings
More ability to read non-verbal and other right brain cues
Ability to use the left hemisphere to balance excessive reactions

For more, watch Dan Siegel's video on this subject (under four minutes).

Please post any questions or comments you have here - or email me. You can also learn more about Dan Siegel's work by visiting his website or by reading one of his books, such as Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on Manhattan's Upper West Side

What is IPNB (Interpersonal Neurobiology)?

2010-08-13T09:59:00.000-04:00

Well, for one thing, it's the (in my opinion) cutting edge approach to psychotherapy. Here's the story about how IPNB came about and what it means.

In the 1990s psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Siegel brought together 40 scientists from a broad variety of fields to think deeply about questions like:

What is mental health?
What is the mind?
What does it mean to have a mind?
What is human life?
What is reality?
How do the mind, the brain and relationships connect?

Really interesting questions, yes?

The idea was to look for universal principles across a variety of scientific disciplines. Do you know the story of the group of blind men exploring an elephant? Briefly, the first blind man bumps into the elephant's leg and thinks an elephant is like a tree. The second runs into the elephant's trunk and thinks an elephant is like a snake. And so on... Siegel wanted to get a view of the whole elephant.

The term IPNB came out of this work and was coined by Siegel in the late 1990s. It means incorporating different fields of science in understanding the kinds of questions I've noted above. It's an approach to knowing what it means to be human by drawing on all the fields of science. It also underlines the importance of relationship to all of these questions.

The results of this are a powerful way to understand not just what it means to be human but also how and why therapy works. To read more, read Siegel's Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation.

I'll be posting more about these interesting questions as time goes on. If you have questions about how this applies to counseling, please post them here. You can email me if you're wondering how it might be beneficial to you. But, briefly, what we're understanding more and more is how therapy can help you change what went wrong or didn't get to happen for you as you were growing up. That it can help has been clear to the many people who have benefited from counseling. Now, we're understanding the science behind how it works.

If you're a counselor and interested in learning more, I suggest you visit the Mindsight Institute website. People interested in knowing more about how it can help them personally are welcome to ask questions or post comments here or email me.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in New York City

Depression and Exercise

2010-08-06T09:39:00.000-04:00

I've posted before about the benefits of exercise for mood problems, but I don't think it can be repeated enough. This Time/CNN article summarizes studies from as far back as the 70s that show exercise reducing depression as well as medication does and that it can be more effective at preventing relapse.

Other studies show that counseling also compares well to medication, especially in moderately depressed people. There is evidence that therapy also may be better at preventing relapse than medication.

Exercise improving mood makes sense. Our species has been around about 130,000 years. During all but the last sliver of that time span we were moving our bodies around a whole lot more than most of us do now. Our brains may need more exercise to function at their best, which means you feeling your best.

Aerobic exercise, at whatever level is appropriate, is one of the first things I recommend to clients who come for counseling who have depression (or anxiety). Most people feel better immediately after exercising, and with more time are likely to experience overall better mood. (And, of course, there are all the other benefits we know accrue from exercise.)

If you have questions about this or anything related to therapy, please comment here or email me.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in New York

One in Two Experience Mental Illness

2010-07-30T10:54:00.000-04:00

A new study suggests that one out of two of us experience mental illness at some point during our lives. That is huge in terms of suffering and the impact on society, productivity, the healthcare system and the economy.

This doesn't mean one in two at a particular point in time.
It means one out of two people will experience mental illness at least once during their lifetime. The fact that earlier studies showed only one in four (the number you most often hear) may be due to our ability to forget or minimize hard times. It's actually more like one in four for the past year.

This study was done in New Zealand, but related data from New Zealand and the United States are similar, which suggests this study's results would be similar if it was conducted here in the U.S.

It gives you pause, doesn't it? If you think you are the one out of two with mental illness - depression, anxiety, addiction, etc. - at this point in your life, please consider counseling. There are many studies that validate the effectiveness of therapy. You can get help. If you are in the New York area and your funds are limited, on this page of my psychotherapy website are links to low fee counseling centers.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in New York City

What Makes It So Hard to Relax?

2010-07-23T09:53:00.000-04:00

This interesting Wall Street Journal article, Why Relaxing is Hard Work, talks about how our plugged in way of life makes it hard to "power down," after work, on weekends, even on vacations.

I'm hearing about this a lot from my counseling clients. 24/7 availability to work and the desire to have a clean inbox - which is now not just the paper inbox but also the virtual inbox - where is the off switch?

One simple tip I tell clients is: Don't answer everything immediately, just to get it off your plate. People who are also trying to get through their inbox will just send you another email right away, and then you'll answer them, and then... (Emails have increased from 10 billion a day in 2000 to 247 billion in 2010.)

It's also a good idea to limit email to one or two periods of the day. If you're like me, it's tempting to keep checking (and then emptying) the inbox, but then other things pile up. It can lead to that feeling of being overwhelmed and in hyper-drive.

Since the fast pace of work can make it hard to slow down when it is possible, it's important to at least take mini-breaks regularly. Five minutes - even one minute - of focusing on your breath can make a huge difference to your body's ability to shift out of "fight or flight," the state all too many of us are living in these days. Neurofeedback can also help with this, as it teaches the brain flexibility and resilience. That means more ability to shift states fluidly and to bounce back to a healthy state after a high stress time.

Many of us feel that as a culture we're in trouble with the way we live. Taking those mini-breaks and other steps can be a way for you to be part of the solution. If enough of us change... the whole culture will change, too.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on Manhattan's Upper West Side

Six Foods for Your Brain

2010-07-16T09:26:00.000-04:00

Having as healthy a brain as possible can't help but be good for psychotherapy.

Nutritionist Barbara Mendez, who has guest posted here, recently wrote a post on her own blog Roots and Seeds titled Six Foods Your Brain Will Thank You For.

Here are the six foods - to read more about how each is good for your brain, click on the link above.

Blueberries
Wild Alaskan salmon
Nuts and seeds
Avacados
Flax
Cacao

Hmmm, cacao... chocolate... None of those foods sound hard to take, do they? I get a daily dose of flax by sprinkling ground flax seeds on my cereal (get the vacuum packed kind for freshness). This kind of good nutrition will help your brain make the most of the good work you're doing in therapy.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on Manhattan's Upper West Side

The Future of Psychiatry

2010-07-08T21:11:00.000-04:00

Here is an interesting recent Wall Street Journal Article called "Why Psychiatry Needs Therapy."

The article talks about the proliferation of diagnostic codes, questioning the necessity of the seemingly endlessly growing list. Since so many psychiatric conditions respond to the same medications, why so many divisions and subdivisions?

I've always believed that, no matter what the background of the clinician - psychiatry or psychotherapy - that the most important thing is to listen to the client. Trying to fit someone into a diagnosis may lead to missing what's most important in and to the individual.

A psychiatrist would use the term patient rather than client, but I like client better because it stays outside the whole medical model of "this person is sick" and moves instead into a model of "you're here so that we can do something together to make things better for you."

Medications certainly have their place, but unless there is serious, immediate risk, I think it's helpful to consider what else might be tried first. Exercise, nutritional change, neurofeedback, cognitive behavioral therapy, EMDR and other types of therapy, are only some of what's available. There is increasing evidence of the effectiveness of these options I've mentioned, and other types of therapy, which may rival or even exceed that of medication for many people. There is no one size fits all.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
New York City Psychotherapy

Time in Nature Boosts Vitality

2010-07-02T12:18:00.000-04:00

While you're deciding if psychotherapy is right for you, here's a simple thing you can do to improve your life -that is backed up by science.

Research shows that spending more time in nature increases well-being and energy. A series of studies published in the June 2010 issue of the Journal of Environmental Psychology found, among other things, that as little as 20 minutes a day outside in nature boosted vitality levels. You don't have to be active when you're outdoors (although exercise carries its own set of benefits); all you have to do is be out there.

Here in New York we're blessed with beautiful parks. Here are some photos of Central Park to give you a little hit of nature until you can get outdoors yourself.

If you have questions about you and psychotherapy, please email me.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on Manhattan's Upper West Side

Meditation and Pain Management

2010-06-25T10:42:00.000-04:00

Meditation reduces the experience of pain, a recent University of Manchester study confirms, as reported in the Journal Pain.

I'm happy to see studies like this, because I believe mindfulness practice has great value for just about everybody. It's become commonplace for me to introduce it to my psychotherapy clients. And the type of neurofeedback I also offer is very much about training your brain to return to the present moment.

Because meditation builds the ability to stay in the present moment, meditators anticipate pain less and are less bothered by it This makes sense to me, and perhaps on a physical level as well. If we're not worrying about approaching pain (Blood tests! Vaccinations!), we're not tensing up.

People often think of meditation as being about attaining a blissful state or having a quiet mind. Those things may happen, but meditation is really about building the "awareness muscle."

What I mean by that is getting really good at being present, noticing we've drifted off (What to have for dinner? How long before we're done meditating?) and then returning to the meditation. That can be meditating on the breath (my personal favorite), or on a mantra or whatever type of meditation resonates for you. It's that pulse of being in the moment, drifting off, returning to the moment, over and over, that builds the muscle.

Building that awareness muscle serves us well in the rest of life. Not anticipating pain and worrying about it, as this study shows; and also enjoying what's in front of us, right now.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in Manhattan

How to Make New Neurons in Your Brain

2010-06-18T10:52:00.000-04:00

This is why making new neurons is important for psychotherapy: Your brain makes use of the new neurons to implement change. Change is what you want if you've decided to do psychotherapy, or to consider it. So this is about giving your brain what it needs to help it make the changes you want for yourself.

Neuroplasticity is enhanced by:

Aerobic exercise
Novelty
Emotional arousal
Mindfulness practice

So - moving your body, learning something new, excitement and enthusiasm, and mindfulness practice are all things that will produce new neurons in your brain.

For more information on the kinds of things that can change for you, visit my website. You can also email me with any questions you have.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in Manhattan

If You Can't Get Yourself to Go to Counseling

2010-06-11T09:32:00.000-04:00

Some of the reasons people don't go for counseling when they know deep down that they could use some help:

Because you think you can’t talk about what’s really bothering you
Because you don’t know what’s wrong
You’re afraid to show your feelings
You think you don’t deserve help
You can’t afford it
You live in a small town and worry people will know about it
You think it’s shameful
You’re family won’t like it

Probably the first thing you would get out of therapy would be related to what's keeping you from going. A good therapist should make you feel safe. You can decide what you're going to talk about, and you'll likely find it gets easier and easier to talk about the hard stuff.

Therapists' code of ethics and the law mandate confidentiality. Therapy can be expensive but it is an investment in yourself. (You can find lower cost or sliding scale counseling in New York City on the Links page of my website.)

Please post any questions you have here on the blog (you can post anonymously) or email me.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on Manhattan's Upper West Side

Neuroplasticity's Importance to Psychotherapy

2010-06-04T16:05:00.000-04:00

Why is neuroplasticity important for psychotherapy?

It's very important, and it's been exciting seeing neuroplasticity mentioned so much in the media lately. Neuroplasticity refers to the brain's lifelong capacity to generate new neurons. "Lifelong" is the big news - our prior understanding was that this ability went away once we reached adulthood. Not so - you can make new neurons indefinitely. One of the things the brain uses these neurons for is new learning and change - and those are a big part of psychotherapy.

If you enjoyed Sharon Begley's Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain, and would like to learb more, you'll also like The Brain That Changes Itself, by Norman Doidge. Each fascinating chapter tells the story of how people are able to use the highly adaptive brain (that we each have) to recover from or adapt to a wide variety of conditions and injuries.

My next post will be about how you can enhance your own brain's neuroplasticity.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on New York's Upper West Side

Why Psychotherapy Is Not Self-Indulgent

2010-05-28T10:08:00.000-04:00

Are you afraid of becoming a "navel gazer?" Some people are so preoccupied with themselves that they don't connect to others, or recognize others' needs. If you recognize yourself in that description, that's a good reason for going to therapy and learning to be more connected. But if you're going to therapy for other reasons, good therapy doesn't make it happen; and here's why.

Dan Siegel says in The Mindful Therapist:

Caring for your self, bringing support and healing to your own efforts to help others and the larger worlds in which we live, is an essential daily practice - not a luxury, not some form of self-indulgence. ... research [has] demonstrated that self-awareness is a starting point for emotional and social intelligence ... There is no escaping this reality that no matter what others, or we, try to say about it, if we don't care for ourselves we'll become limited in how we can care for others. It is that simple. And it is that important - for you, for others, and for our planet.

The better we know ourselves, the more we heal ourselves, the more able we will be to contribute to others. And contribute in a way that is a natural flow of compassion and kindness, which is itself healing.

If you have questions about this, please post them here or email me. Healing ourselves is part of healing our world.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in New York

Anger Management - Not the Usual Suggestions

2010-05-21T15:25:00.000-04:00

This is not the usual advice to walk around the block, take ten deep breaths, etc. Those things do help, but getting to the roots of your anger – so that you can eliminate or reduce it, not just manage it, requires a different approach.

Ask yourself, what did I feel right before I got angry? Anger is often a secondary emotion, and getting in touch with the primary feeling can give you something different to say or do.
Ask, what is the meaning for me in the event that made me angry. Again, bringing our awareness to the deeper aspects of our anger can give you more options.
Thich Nhat Hahn’s wonderful book Anger is a great place to start. It’s very Buddhist and includes dietary recommendations you may not be up for, but his method of dealing with anger is very healing.
Anger is a natural human emotion. We may need it to protect ourselves, but there is often another way to handle things. Ask yourself, how else can I communicate this?
Usually when we’re angry at someone else, there’s something they aren’t understanding about us or something we don’t understand. Ask yourself, what don’t I understand about this?

You may want some professional help to fully follow these recommendations or to understand more deeply what you find out by trying the above suggestions. Psychotherapy may help greatly with the healing process. Recurrent anger – there is always something that needs healing.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
New York Psychotherapy

Jill Bolte Taylor's Stroke of Insight

2010-05-14T09:31:00.000-04:00

Your brain has immense ability to heal itself. Good psychotherapy takes full advantage of that. Below is a fascinating example of this ability to heal. This example is about healing from an injury, but the inborn ability to heal, change and grow is the same.

In this video, neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor talks about the massive stroke she had at age 37. She watched herself lose functions with all her professional knowledge of what was happening to her. If you think this will be upsetting or depressing to watch, I predict you will have exactly the opposite experience. It is inspiring, and not in the usual way of such stories.

Neuroanatomy, Jill Bolte's field, is the branch of anatomy that deals with the nervous system. If you enjoyed the video, you might also want to read her book, My Stroke of Insight. Highly recommended if you or someone you love has suffered a stroke.

Our CNS (central nervous system, brain and spinal cord) is truly amazing. Part of therapy is learning how to best use that for growth and healing.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Counseling in New York City

On Being a Psychotherapist

2010-05-07T10:07:00.000-04:00

People are always asking me, how can I listen to people’s pain and suffering all day? It's not hard at all. There are things you may not know about psychotherapy, such as...

There is so much to learn about being human. Every client teaches me different things.
You would be surprised how much humor you hear in psychotherapy offices. Sometimes it’s dark humor we’re sharing with our clients, but it’s still humor.
People are endlessly unique. After more than 20 years as a therapist, I can still be surprised.
Our understanding of what it means to be human, to have a mind, to be mentally healthy, is expanding by leaps and bounds. Because of this, how I work with people is also evolving, and that's exciting.
People are endlessly creative in how they survive difficulty, especially the ways children survive harsh childhoods.
Perhaps most of all, it’s exciting and joyful to participate in people’s growth, healing and change.

There are more reasons I love my job, but those are the ones that come to mind today.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on Manhattan’s Upper West Side

Relationships 101 - The Stock Fight

2010-04-30T10:18:00.000-04:00

I’m talking about that fight that
you and your beloved have over and over – the one where you know that if you say this he or she is going to say that and then it escalates to … something probably not a lot of fun.

You know the one. I call it a stock fight. Every time I have said "stock fight" or "you probably have a few stock fights" to couples coming for therapy they always start nodding their heads. They know what their stock fights are.

You may have more than one. If you have the same fight repeatedly, it’s very likely that you’re not:

Really hearing each other.
Getting to the bottom of it.
And the bottom of it means what it’s really about, not what it’s about on the surface. If it was that, you'd have figured it out by now.

So you have two reasonably intelligent or even very intelligent people not getting to the heart of the matter. You might need some help sorting this out, but sometimes just sitting down and talking about the stock fight in the context I’ve laid out here can really help.

If you can set aside the case you've already built up about why your partner is wrong, that will help. Explore, rather than conclude or prove. You may be quite surprised what you find out.

For more about how to go about this, read this blog post that gives ways to explore your stock fight. And this post which tells you how to avoid building a case about how wrong your partner is. Being connected is much better than being right.

Catherine Boyer
New York City Psychotherapy

Anxiety, Depression and Nutrition

2010-04-23T11:51:00.000-04:00

What you eat can play a big role in mood. I ask all my psychotherapy clients about their nutrition and often hear about eating habits that may be contributing to their depression and anxiety. Often, they need information and guidance about the ways they can feel better through changing their diet. The nutritionist I refer them to is Barbara Mendez. I especially like the way she starts people off with a manageable amount of change and educates them about how it makes a difference to their bodies, including their brain.

I thought it would be helpful to post some of that information here, so I asked Barbara to be a "guest poster." Here's what she wrote for us:

Recent British research showed that a diet that is high in processed and refined foods can lead to anxiety and depression. This is a conundrum for those afflicted by either condition. While many stressed out, anxious people feel drawn to soothe themselves with cookies and cakes that offer immediate relief, a short time later they are left feeling more depressed and anxious than before.

What do they do? How can they help themselves feel better without running to the doctor for a prescription for Prozac and Xanax? The answer is through diet. Foods that restore serotonin balance are available in every farm stand and grocery store, and it is really not that hard to do.

Eliminate Sugar

The reason that sugar helps to calm you down is that the insulin rush that accompanies sugar consumption floods out competing amino acids and allows tryptophan, the precursor to serotonin, to win the absorption race. While sugar may give you immediate relief from stress and anxiety because of the intense flood of serotonin that it unleashes, anything that goes up that high must come down and when it does it usually crashes.

When you self medicate with sugar you are setting yourself up to feel depressed, anxious and sad in a vicious, ever changing cycle. It will feel hard to get a handle on your emotions and then as your waistline expands from the extra calories and insulin rush, this will add to your already compromised mood.

Eliminating sugar will allow you to feel steady, balanced, calm and happy. You will find that while the external factors are the same, and nothing at work or at home has changed, your ability to deal with it all has. For some suggestions on how to eliminate sugar from your diet, check out my blog.

Barbara Mendez, R.Ph. M.S.

I rarely eat sugar myself, and I know personally the difference that can make. It's possible to do this and still get great enjoyment from what you're eating. For more information about Barbara and her services, visit her website, Barbara Mendez Nutrition.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on New York's Upper West Side

Three Things to do for Anxiety

2010-04-14T09:32:00.000-04:00

An over-abundance of anxiety is miserable. Medications can help but some of the most effective carry risks of side effects and addiction. Many people try to soothe their anxiety with alcohol which, of course, carries its own set of risks.

You may need to work with a professional to get to the source of your anxiety, but in the meantime here are some things you can do that have helped many people reduce their anxiety. They need just an investment of some time on your part, and the willingness to practice.

Any kind of meditation or mindfulness practice can be very helpful with anxiety. Click here to sign up for free daily emails from the Tricycle Community that will help you get started. (I have no connection to this community other than that I get the free emails myself and find it a great way to start my day.) And here is a video of a pioneer of bringing meditation into the medical community and to mainstream awareness - Mindfulness with Jon Kabat-Zinn.
Click here to get a free pdf download of a well-validated step by step guide for relaxation developed by Herbert Benson, M.D. It has been used successfully for decades.
Dr. Benson’s work involves breathing (always available and at no cost!), but you may not always have the ten to twenty minutes needed for the exercise. Just deepening (into your belly) and lengthening your breathing will help relax you. Most people need to keep it up longer than they think (anxious people can also be impatient), but it does work. Anxious breathing is short and shallow, so changing your breathing to long, deep breaths gives your nervous system the message that it can calm down.

Please post any questions you have or email me.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on New York’s Upper West Side

Psychotherapy: Anxiety, Depression and Exercise

2010-04-05T13:22:00.000-04:00

The benefits of exercise in reducing both anxiety and depression are more than clear. The Mayo Clinic website, for example, talks about it in this article. When we exercise, the brain forms new neurons; new neurons are used for change.

What if you just don't like to exercise? Or you don't like gyms, or your schedule is difficult. If you decide you're going to have exercise in your life, find something you do like that moves your body around. Think about it creatively. Here are some examples:

Do you like to compete? Find a team sport to take up.
If you hate jogging, put on fast music that you love and dance.
Walk - park your car or get off the bus or subway a stop or two early and walk the rest of the way.
Don't like yoga or Pilates? Try a martial art.

Exercise, because of its positive effects on the brain, is a great complement for whatever else you're already doing to feel better, including psychotherapy and medication.

Most people with a little thought and experimenting can find a type of exercise that they don't have to force or bribe themselves to do. And the longer you stay with it, the easier it becomes as it starts to feel like a normal part of your life. Questions about this? Please post them here or email me.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on New York City's Upper West Side

Psychotherapy - Why Change is Possible

2010-03-26T09:10:00.000-04:00

You know the saying, "Can't teach an old dog new tricks." It's wrong.

Our newer understanding of the brain has shown us that we are able to change our brains throughout our lives. You are doing this right now as you read this blog post.

There is so much we don't know about the central nervous system (your brain and spinal cord), the most complex system on the Earth, but we now know that neuroplasticity, the ability of the brain to rewire itself, continues throughout life.

Neuroplasticity is one of the things that makes psychotherapy work. If you'd like to know more about this wonderful ability of the brain to change itself and improve your well-being and functioning in life, I recommend Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain, by Sharon Begley.

Very readable and quite fascinating, it also explains why exercise is so important for a healthy brain. Exercise may be the first thing your therapist recommends as an antidote to anxiety or depression.

If you have a question or comment, please post it here or you can email me confidentially.

Catherine Boyer
New York City Psychotherapy

Five Things to Avoid in Psychotherapy

2010-03-17T19:11:00.000-04:00

You're in therapy; you want to get the most out of it. Here are five things that are not part of good therapy. This is my professional opinion based on both my training and 20 plus years experience. Not just my opinion, though. Most of these would also be considered to be unethical by the majority of therapists and therapist professional associations. Some are also illegal.

Don't keep doing a type of therapy that your intuition says is wrong for you. If you have doubts, talk to your therapist; but you are the most important judge of what's right for you.
Nothing sexual should take place between you and your therapist - including if the therapist says it would be good for you. Sexual activity between therapist and client is always wrong, and the therapist is in the wrong even if it was your idea (therapists lose their licenses for this). Leave immediately and don't go back. Consider filing a complaint with your state licensing board. If the therapist did this with you, he or she most likely does it with other clients (no matter how special they tell you it is between you)..
If your therapist wants any kind of personal or business relationship with you, including friendship, this is crossing boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. Your therapist is supposed to be your therapist, period. Bartering in exchange for therapy is a bad idea. What if it turns out you don't like the therapy and you've already fixed the therapist's roof? What if you do like the therapy and you made the roof worse? The potential for this kind of complication is high.
Don't go to a therapist who doesn't feel like the right fit for you because someone else wants you to.
If your therapist doesn't keep what you tell them confidential (unless you or someone else is in danger, or you have given your permission), this is a violation of your trust. Your privacy is protected by federal and most state law.

I hope this is helpful to you. If any of these things have happened to you, remember: Therapists come in good, bad and indifferent, just like any profession. If you've been burned, I encourage you to keep looking. There are plenty of good therapists. Click here to read about finding the right therapist and here for finding the right type of therapy.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in New York City

Psychotherapy: Relationships 101 - More about Mind Reading

2010-03-08T08:52:00.000-05:00

Both life and my years as a psychotherapist, have taught me that mind reading - guessing - what is going on with another person does not have a high rate of accuracy. Treating someone we love as if our guess was The Truth generally just causes problems. We could ask the other person, rather than deciding what's true for them and then collecting evidence to prove our cases. You'll find it because now you're looking through the filter of that conclusion you've made.

Here are some ideas how you might ask what's going on in a way that is more likely to have you learn more about this person you love - and less likely to cause a fight and bad feelings. Asking in a non-attacking way can open up a good exchange. For example:

When you do ______ I'm afraid it means ______ -- what does it mean?
I need your help understanding ______.
I'm angry and I don't want to be. I need your help figuring out what's going on when ______ happens.

You can see how these approaches could open things up. They aren't as likely to cause defensiveness or have your partner go on the attack. A good motto is: Explore, don't conclude. Exploration is much more likely to lead to increased closeness and safety.

Visit this page of my website for links to some great resources for couples.

Catherine A. Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on New York's Upper West Side

Psychotherapy in the News: Depression's Upside

2010-03-01T14:38:00.000-05:00

Have you noticed how lately it seems as if articles about depression are all over newspapers and magazines?

For example, Jonah Lehrer writes in this weekend's New York Times Magazine about Depression's Upside. If you're depressed, you may be thinking right now, "Upside? There's an upside?" Depression is painful, debilitating and can be life threatening.

But some think it has stayed with us over the generations because it is part of how we learn from difficult experiences. The article talks about the relationship between depressed mood and clear thinking, creativity and recall.

Whether it's adaptive for our species or not, depression is painful. There are many varieties of depression, and they don't all respond to the same treatment. If there is insight to be gained from depression, as the article suggests may often be true, psychotherapy can help. Understanding can go a long way toward alleviating depression and initiating change.

Questions? Please leave a comment here or email me.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in New York City

Psychotherapy: Relationships 101 - Mind Reading

2010-02-24T21:24:00.000-05:00

Having been a psychotherapist for more than 25 years has given me the opportunity to learn a lot about relationships.

I can't tell you how many times I've witnessed a couple (including myself and my husband) discover that what they had been imagining was the meaning or motivation behind what their partner had been up to was not at all what had been going on. For example, finding out that...

Your partner had not been talking to you because of being afraid to say the wrong thing, not because of withholding.
There had been no sex for fear of being rejected, not because of lack of interest.
He or she was isolating because of depression, not to avoid you.

Mind reading like this can get us into trouble because we start to treat our partner as if what we imagine is happening is The Truth. It might be, but more often it is not, so it very likely makes a lot more sense to ask than to guess

Sometimes what we imagine means more about us than about our partners...

Catherine A. Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in New York City

Psychotherapy: Relationships 101 - Case Building

2010-02-18T09:14:00.000-05:00

Many people go to couples therapy having built up a large and detailed case about what the other half of the couple is doing wrong. They want the therapist to agree with their case and get the other person to change. Learning to go about couples therapy differently may be the first thing accomplished, because the "fix him/her" model doesn't go far.

If you are case building, you have put yourself in the position of proving the person you love is wrong and bad, and that they don't love you. Usually it is some version of "evidence" like:

If he really loved me, he'd want to spend more time with me.
If she really loved me, she'd know how much pressure I'm under.
If he really loved me, he'd know what I need.
If she really loved me, she'd know how scared I am.

If you recognize yourself in this, do you really want to be proving he/she doesn't love you?

Here's a suggestion: Stop mind reading what your partner's actions (or lack of action) mean. Ask him or her what it means. You may be surprised at the answer.

This applies to a lot more than just "proof of being loved." More about mind reading soon.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in New York City

Anti-Depressants and Options

2010-02-09T09:54:00.000-05:00

Just after I finished the previous post on depression, which included information about choices other than medication, I read this fascinating article, The Depressing News about Anti-Depressants, by Sharon Begley. She is a science writer who writes for the general public. If you want to feel hopeful about feeling better, I also recommend her very readable book, Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain. And here is psychiatrist Robert Klitzman's thoughtful response to Begley's Newsweek article: A Doctor Disagrees.

And please post any comments or questions you have about either the article or the book.

Catherine A. Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on new York's Upper West Side

Psychotherapy for Depression

2010-02-01T09:55:00.000-05:00

If you are depressed and want to know what you can do about it, please keep reading. But first, here is an idea about the impact of depression globally.

The World Health Organization reports that depression is the fourth costliest disease in the world. The United States spends $2 billion annually to treat it and has an estimated $23 billion in lost productivity. That's just in the U.S. What about what it costs you, if you are the one with depression or if you have someone in your life who is depressed? The effect on your life is huge. (Click here to take a simple depression-screening test.)

Most of us can be helped by one or more of the possibilities in the list you'll find below, as well as other methods, more than I have room for here. Depression being such a big, costly problem means that a lot of people and organizations are motivated to find solutions. New treatments are being developed as I write. (Please get appropriate support, including medical and other professional consultation, to help you decide what's right for you.)

Psychotherapy
Exercise
Neurofeedback
Nutritional changes and supplements
Lightboxes
Medication

Medication certainly works for some people; but for those it hasn't helped or helped but with too many side effects or who have personal objections, please know that you can find therapists who will work with you and respect your experience and feelings about medications. Many of the treatments listed above have been shown in studies to be as effective or more effective than medication.

I'm a therapist (and a neurofeedback provider) and I believe in the helpfulness of psychotherapy and the other things I've listed; but I also believe that each of you is a unique, whole person and that the combination that may be perfect for you may be different from what someone else needs.

By the way, lack of energy and motivation can be symptoms of depression that may make it hard to get started doing what's needed to get well. I encourage you to take a first step. And then another...

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy for Change

Couples and Therapy

2010-01-20T21:10:00.000-05:00

There are some really wonderful resources available for couples who are struggling; things that you can read or do together. I'll give you some links below. Couples therapy can be very helpful, and if you or partner have histories of having been abused as kids, you may want or need to do some individual therapy as well.

Coming from a childhood where there was abuse and neglect can make intimate relationships very triggering. To take the struggle out of intimate relationships, most of us will need to unhook some of the pain and beliefs from childhood that we are carrying around. You can:

Learn to feel better about yourself and bring that to your relationship
Change self-limiting and relationship-limiting beliefs
Be able to balance your needs and others' needs (instead of having a tug or war, or sacrificing and hen resenting)

There's more, of course, but I want to give you a feel for what's possible. And here are some links for couples work:

The Gottman Institute - workshops for couples
Passionate Marriage - a book you can read together (and you don't have to be married)
Imago Therapy - books and workshops

As always, you are welcome to post comments and questions here or email me confidentially.

Catherine Boyer
Psychotherapy for Change

Relationships - Why You Choose Who You Choose - and How Therapy Can Help

2010-01-06T13:21:00.000-05:00

We all do this: Pick people who are some mixture of things that are familiar to us from our family (good and bad) and sometimes things that, at least in the beginning, are the dead opposite.

Examples are the person who grew up with an alcoholic who marries one, or marries a workaholic (same unavailability). Growing up with a lot of anger in the home so picking a very calm person and then becoming the angry one yourself.

Therapy can help you:

Get to the source of these choices and make better ones.
Let go of the unconscious belief that if you can get the new person to hear you, see you, care for you, that will somehow rewrite the history of your childhood.
Learn how to not behave in ways that get you what you don't want. An example of this is doing too much care-taking of others, which may have gotten you people in your life who feel entitled to be taken care of or who push you away.
Unwind the old beliefs from childhood that underpin your choices (such as "I'm not good enough").

You can get help that can improve the relationships you already have or help you get out of a bad one and into a good one. Look for earlier posts on this blog about finding the right therapist for you.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW

Can Psychotherapy Help with Relationships?

2009-12-22T13:33:00.000-05:00

Yes, it can help you have happier, healthier relationships. Here are some of the ways it helps. (If you have questions, please post a comment here or email me through my website Contact page.

Understanding why you choose who you choose (not just intimate relationships but also friends, bosses, etc.) and what you can do about it
Learn to know what you want and how to ask for it constructively (and what else is needed besides knowing how to communicate better)
What to do instead of mind reading (which gets most of us into trouble - for example, when we think we know why our partner is doing or saying something we don't like)
What the content of that mind reading means
Discover if you are "building a case" against someone you love - and what you can do instead

In future posts I'll discuss each of these in more detail.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW

How Long Will Psychotherapy Take?

2009-12-15T13:40:00.000-05:00

Most people starting psychotherapy want to know the answer to the that question. I wish I could give you a formula for the answer. Human beings are just too variable, but numerous studies have shown that motivation is a key predictor of successful therapy, and I think it's a big predictor of length of treatment, too. What I mean by that is that if you really want change and you work hard at it, you can get the most out of each session - and the time in between - and be done sooner.

If you've been in therapy for even a short while and you don't feel like anything is happening, I encourage you to bring that up with your therapist. People stay in a treatment that isn't working for many reasons, for example:

Not knowing what to expect
Being afraid to hurt the therapist's feelings
Fear of making the therapist angry
Difficulty with change

There are many more reasons. You may have guessed that the last three in the list likely came out of the person's experiences in childhood and are probably problematic elsewhere in the person's life. These can change with psychotherapy. If anything like that is keeping you in therapy you aren't sure about, talk to your therapist. And remember, you are the customer - it has to feel right to you.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy for Change

Psychotherapy – How Can You Know It Will Help?

2009-12-03T11:45:00.000-05:00

Personally, I think the right to good counseling should be in the Bill of Rights. That's how highly I think of good therapy. I've been a psychotherapy client myself as well as having seen the benefits to people I've worked with and for people in my personal life. Therapy changed my life for the better, and that's what I see happening with my clients. That's what can happen for you.

But, of course, you want to know if therapy can help with your particular issue. Most of us know that psychotherapy can help with moods: Depression, anxiety and out of control swings between one mood and another, obsessing, addictions, etc. It can also help with recurring problems such as difficulty at work, struggles in intimate relationships or the lack of relationships. Recovery from addictions and having been abused as a child also benefit from therapy.

Please comment here or email me with your specific problem. I'll answer you honestly, and I'll answer even if you are nowhere near my office in New York City. By the way, no one gets my email or voicemail but me. Posts here are public but there will be an option to choose to post anonymously. You can ask and be comfortable about confidentiality.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy on Manhattan's Upper West Side

How to Survive Going Home for the Holidays

2009-11-18T09:04:00.000-05:00

Are visits home at best stressful and at worst they repeat the bad stuff that happened when you lived there? Here are six tips on how to survive holidays at home.

Make sure you get time away from the house. Go for a walk, run an errand, see a movie.
Have a support person lined up. That could be your good friend from where you live now, ready to remind you over the phone that you have a life outside your family. Get professional help if you need it. (Many therapists will make a phone appointment with you during your visit.)
If there are people you like who live in the same town or city as your family, make plans to see them on your own during the visit.
Conduct an experiment: Study your family members as if you were meeting them for the first time. This will give you some helpful distance and perspective.
Remember: You are not your family; you are a separate person

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW
Psychotherapy in New York City

Psychotherapy for Anxiety

2009-11-10T13:24:00.001-05:00

If you're looking for therapy for anxiety, you have a lot of company. According to NIMH (the National Institute of Mental Health) estimates in 2008, about 40 million Americans ages 18 and older in any given year have an anxiety disorder. That's about 18% of the adult population!

There are many simple things you can do to alleviate anxiety. Meditation, yoga, breathing techniques, exercise can all be helpful. (See the Links page of my website for a free download, "Relaxation Response," which teaches a well-validated, simple breathing exercise.)

Unwinding the past may also be helpful. Sometimes those beliefs we developed in childhood - about ourselves, relationships, our lot in life - can be anxiety provoking. Cognitive therapy can be useful - becoming mindful of your thinking and practicing changing it (a simple explanation). Learning to feel safe with your feelings may be part of the process. Each person is unique, but a good therapist can help you put together the right combination of tools and self-understanding to live a calmer life.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW

Low Fee Psychotherapy

2009-10-30T16:59:00.000-04:00

If you want to start therapy but your budget is limited you still have options.

Many therapists have a sliding scale, particularly in economically difficult times like these. And even therapists who don't have a sliding scale are often willing to lower their fee if you are able to come to a day time appointment.

Also most cities and many towns have lower fee therapy available in clinic settings such as in hospitals or in training institutes. Suggestions for the New York City area can be found on the Links page of my website.

As I've said in earlier posts, the therapy and the therapist should feel like a fit to you, whether you're paying full fee or a reduced fee.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW

Finding the Right Type of Psychotherapy

2009-10-09T17:21:00.000-04:00

The therapist needs to be a good fit for you regardless of the techniques he or she uses. Often the most experienced therapists have trained in many ways of doing therapy and can look with you at which way of working is the best fit for you.

If you already know a particular type of therapy is what you want, the Internet can be very helpful. For instance, if you're interested in EMDR and you google EMDR therapy, you'll get links to online directories, including the EMDR Institute Directory and EMDR Therapist Network.

You may want to ask the therapist what his or her experience has been working with what you would like to see change. Personally, I would steer clear of someone who only uses one method. Individual people don't fit tidily into theories. You want the technique to be a fit for you, not the other way around.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW

Finding the Right Therapist

2009-09-25T10:41:00.000-04:00

Because the work you do together can be life transforming, finding a therapist who is right for you is an important choice.

Many people prefer a referral from someone they know, but what if you're new to town? Or you may need to go to a therapist on your insurance provider list. Today many people look for a therapist on the Internet.

Unless you have gotten a really strong personal referral you probably want to talk to therapists on the phone before making an appointment. Most therapists are willing to spend a reasonable amount of time answering your questions and helping you get a sense of how they might help you. Some questions to ask:

Do they have experience working with people who want to change what you want to change?
Does it seem easy to talk to the therapist?
Can you imagine sitting down with this person and feeling comfortable with her or him?

If it doesn't feel right to you, trust your reaction. If you do feel comfortable over the phone, that's a good sign.

If you need to go to someone on your provider list, you can start with the names that are geographically most convenient. Work your way out from there until you speak with someone who fits your needs, someone you can imagine really talking to. Same thing with the Internet, you can start with geography, then make calls. Most of my clients who found me on the web searched for psychotherapy New York City or psychotherapy 10024.

What if you also want a particular type of therapy? I'll talk about that in my next post.

Catherine Boyer, MA, LCSW